


#weather vane

by Surefall



Series: Wade Has Faith (In the Fourth Wall) [3]
Category: Cable and Deadpool, Deadpool (Comics), Deadpool - All Media Types
Genre: Bodyslide Mishaps, Citizens of Providence, Eavesdropping, Island of Providence, M/M, NPCs - Freeform, Nate Has No Idea, Nate would give Wade the shirt off his back, Nathan Summers is a Good Bro, Providence (Marvel), The National Pastime of Providence is Stalking, They also enjoy the sport of spying, and also his pants, and lurking, and so much nudity, rated for language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-02
Updated: 2018-02-19
Packaged: 2019-01-08 04:17:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 15,681
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12246831
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Surefall/pseuds/Surefall
Summary: Wade's watching the signs, but the citizens of Providence are watching Wade.Or:Nate still thinks Providence is a utopia, Wade knows there's no such thing, and the citizens of Providence are hiding the bodies.Or:The citizens of Providence have a home grown text messaging system.  They don't use it responsibly.





	1. #Children of Providence vs. Deadpool

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Angels on the Moon](https://archiveofourown.org/works/2556701) by [inlaterdays](https://archiveofourown.org/users/inlaterdays/pseuds/inlaterdays). 
  * Inspired by [The Ontological Category 'Home'](https://archiveofourown.org/works/6017848) by [LePipi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LePipi/pseuds/LePipi). 

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The battle between the children of Providence and Deadpool has only ever had one winner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story takes place between _Cable & Deadpool_ #12 and _Cable & Deadpool_ #13.
> 
> While this has been inspired by the comics in general and the body of work that was the C&DP fandom as of Spring 2016, the two specific fics mentioned above are the two that stand out in particular with regard to this story.

**+Weather Vane**  
#Wade Wilson   #location: Unknown   #clothing possession: Hot Chocolate Shop

 **+Wade Wilson**  
taking bets?  
no bets  
even when we hide them he finds them  
there MUST be  #tracking devices  
we examined EVERY damn molecule of those clothes  
no #tracking devices  
#weather vane   #superpower  
burn them  
haha no  
can't ... endure ... #moons of providence for ... long ... stretches ... of time  
control ... your .... inner .... #shatner voice  
use them to lure him?  
only works with #luring with candy  
hence #Hot Chocolate Shop  
genius #sarcasm

  
  


Somewhere between the ground and the roof, Wade loses all his clothes. He wasn't too concerned about it. The sun was shining and warm. The overhang lapped the golden dome of the roof like a serpent's scale, making his nook both private and pleasingly curved. The blue wax whorls on the curve of the dome are soothing, like gentle blue flowers drifting on a golden lake. 

Voices rose from below, carried by perfect acoustics to Wade's chosen perch, <if words could fall like rain from these lips of mine>, a susurration of sound as soothing as his whorls -- _the wrapping was soft and pale, but the color was bright, and the gold was warm and accepting under his hand_. Wade sprawled out, spooned into the comforting curve of the dome, and pillowed his head on his arm, breath leaving his body with a sigh as the chanting from below enveloped all his whirling thoughts in rising song.

~Wade loses time~

Wade surfaced from sunlight and song to a massage. His forces marshalled slowly, [reboot sequence initiate!] {wazzat? wazzat? sleepin~} [reboot sequence failed!] {rollover forever}, and uselessly. The massage rolled over his skin, an even pattering wave that smoothed the sun heat from his frame. The singers below had given way to the sheeting hisses from above. "That's why I didn't need clothes," Wade murmured as he rolled over to let the warm Pacific massage wash over his front, face turning into the rain.

Wade reached out to stoke his hand across his blue whorls, like storm clouds against a faded sky, both memory and comfort coming alive at the feel of wax.

~he always knows what he needs to know. other times, at their convenience, they need him to forget.~

Lightning flashed across the sky, a blue white finger pointing the way. 

Wade rose to his feet, peering over the edge of the overhang into the street. Everyone was safely tucked away, out of the metal streets, away from the electrical discharge that ran wild over the surface of Providence in a thunderstorm. 

"No need for clothes at all," he hummed, hopping up to catch hold of the dome's spire, spinning happily as his feet slid on the wet surface, "I had no strings, but now I'm free, really free, to be nekkid!" On the outer arc of the spin, Wade let go, arms spreading as he slid off of the roof into free fall. 

For a moment, Wade was one with the sheeting hiss of the sky, just another rain drop falling to the ground. Splish! Splash! Then he rolled like a sky whale, kicking away from the wall and landed neatly in the street. "I am a very ungraceful sky whale," he observed, as his not so perfect landing sent him in a rolling tumble through nearly every puddle on the street, "All flubber and no fins," to fetch up against the door of a shop. 

Or rather, _the_ shop. The one that had been touched by lightning. The place he was supposed to be.

It was the resting hour, but the door opened, and a pair of kids giggled at him as he fell backwards into the shop. "Skipping Wades aren't as good as skipping stones," he told them happily, "Only four skips!"

"We found your clothes, Mr. Wilson," the littlest smartass informed him, pointing towards the table closest to the heating unit. There was a chair, over which was draped a white t-shirt that was making moon eyes at Hawaiian shorts and a sexy pair of geta. Wade sympathized with the shirt, he could completely understood the appeal.

"How did you know they were mine?" Wade asked, pulling his legs inside the shop so the second littlest smartass could shut the door. 

She gave him the most pitying look for his intelligence that a five year old could give, "Your eyes are on them." 

Wade smiled at her soppily. "Girls really do grow up faster than boys ... and so much meaner. Do your moms give you lessons in cutting out hearts and destroying souls?"

She shoved him, and he obligingly rolled over and shook himself dry. He was still pretty wet, so the shaking wasn't effective at all. 

The sudden shrieks of laughter and cries of "Ewww!" were from the children as they were showered with water droplets from Wade, the super dog.

Jason, {works at the docks} [family of four] {wife runs the shop} [this shop] {expecting a fifth} [from New York], called, "Leave Mr. Wilson alone, kids. He can't get dressed with you crowding him."

[Subtle] {Ordering US around.} [We laugh in the face of orders! Ha ha ha!]

Wade pushed himself to his feet, stretching the kinks out at the last of his landing damage faded, information dropping into his mind like sheets of rain, blurring the world into soft yellow and white fragments.

{27 patrons} [Our seahorses and the kids] {Three main exits on the lower floor} [But one goes upstairs] {The bank of the windows then for exit three} [Doubling up, but okay] {Upstairs is living quarters, so ... four exits there} [Windows front and back, roof access, and first floor access.] {Bingo} [Indefensible location, though] {This is a blockading point only, so we'd use it to reload. Good defensible lines of sight at least} [Lure and trap] {Can blow the place without blowing the whole island} [So here we scorch the earth.] 

"Then if we want out we go up." Wade hummed in acknowledgment, his own voice bringing the room back into focus and out of visions where the walls ran red with blood splatter and fire blackened everything with terrible choking flame.

It was peaceful here, a place made of soft blue skies and silver plating ... and it would _stay_ peaceful. No one would be allowed to spoil it. Wade would see to it. The only thing that should wear his colors was him. He smiled a wolf's smile as he strode across the room to the table where his clothes were partying without him.

Jason set down a steaming mug of hot chocolate just as he arrived.

There were yellow marshmallows floating in it, shaped into a smile. Wade smiled back. "How do you get the marshmallows to smile? Do you mash them together and say kiss and they do? Mallow is sort of a funny word. Mallow mallow mallow mallow mallow. It's a plant too. But why would they call a marshmallow a mallow when it's made out of sugar instead of shrubbery? Haha, knights of the -- "

"Get dressed, Mr. Wilson," Jason smoothly interjected into the stream of words, apropos of nothing, as he turned back to the kitchen. 

"The patriarchy is demanding today," Wade complained to the littlest smartass, who was smirking at him from across the table.

"I'm not allowed to be naked either."

"Tyranny." That being said, Wade slithered back into his clothes, twirling on his geta. The room spun obligingly. "Kinda busy in here today!"

"Once we knew it was going to storm, we put on the hot chocolate and sent the word out," Jason slid a plate of cookies -- one already liberated by smartass little hands -- into the obligingly empty space hot chocolate made by existing. 

Wade accepted this bribery as reward for getting dressed. All his cookies! All of them! He cocked his head, "Yeah? Was it on the weather channel or something? I didn't think Providence even got the weather channel. We are missing out, I can -- "

"You left your clothes behind," the littlest smartass piped up. Jason covered his face with a hand.

"Well," Wade took a sip of his chocolate, "How else could I depend on them to get in out of the rain? If I was wearing them, I wouldn't have anything dry to change into later." 

  
  


**+Weather Vane**  
#Wade Wilson   #location: Hot Chocolate Shop   #napping   #found clothes   #100% success rate

 **+Wade Wilson**  
again? does he not sleep at night?  
#Providence   #safe as houses  
you have to ask this question? #red suited justice  
running around naked and sleeping on rooftops must be hella exhausting

   
  
 

~Wade loses time~

Wade opened his eyes. He picked up the cookie right in front of his nose, and ate it. It was delicious.

Blue waves caught his attention, making him turn his hand over in puzzlement. There were blue circles drawn over the back of it and all the way up his arm. As his lesions shifted, the circles moved like blue waves. Wade straightened in his chair and looked at his other arm, which was covered in wavy orange and red lines. He had an ocean on one arm and a fire on the other. He leaned back in the chair to look at his legs, where green diamonds rippled like leaves in the wind.

"I'm all over colors," Wade said happily.

Outside, the sun broke through the clouds and shone through the rain, reflecting rainbows all across the metal skin of Providence.

  
  


**+Weather Vane**  
****status pin****    #Wade Wilson   #location: Hot Chocolate Shop

 **+Wade Wilson**  
check this out  
_[uploaded video Wade Wilson Kids' Coloring Book]_  
#Children of Providence vs. Deadpool 38-0 he's never going to win  
i think that is a solid 38 through 48 at least  
10 whole points?  
totally deserving 10 points  
20 points!  
20 is too much  
#found clothes I see  
like you would let your children draw on dick  
#ew   #ew   #ew   #ew  
get out of the thread #pervert  
#found clothes   #100% success rate  
10 points  
agree to 10  
don't everybody weigh in now  
#Wade Wilson Admin will call it  
they made their coloring move! look at that! #child geniuses  
what'd they do, drug his hot chocolate?  
clever little monsters  
children =/= monsters  
#u mad bro?  
they are precious babies  
that is amazing  
it actually looks like water and fire and leaves  
look at the butterflies on his head!  
those are butterflies?  
#shit just got real  
extra 5 points  
15 points! for the butterflies!  
they're annihilating him with awesome  
raining awesome  
somebody film it when he goes outside  
it is fucking rainbows outside, people  
_[uploaded picture Rainbows After Rain]_  
"I'm all over colors"  #Wade Wilson   #i see what you did there   #weather vane  
that doesn't even count  
suspicious timing is suspicious  
it counts  
reading too much into it  
doesn't even count  
response to awesome kids  
even #Wade Wilson acknowledges being landslided by #Children of Providence  
#Wade Wilson accepts defeat gracefully  
hahahahahahaha  
now i'm just dying  
to children! to children!  
i can't, i just can't #Wade Wilson accepts defeat gracefully #sarcastic waterfall  
#waterfall of irony  
someone get that man a link  
woman  
someone get that woman a link  
to the complete video history of not accepting defeat gracefully  
#Wade Wilson   #so much complaining  
#sarcasm waterfall  
15 points!  
look who's late to the party  
#shut the fuck up  
it's sad that we have this tag  
it's better than constantly telling people to get off the feed and stop arguing  
it doesn't even work  
it works enough  
stop contradicting me  
#shut the fuck up  
_[uploaded video Wade Wilson Kid's Coloring Book - In Daylight]_  
perfect artwork is perfect  
OMG there is glitter  
GLITTER  
those were glitter pens!  
20 points!  
20 points!  
agree  
agree  
aggreed  
agreed  
disagree  
stop being a dissenter  
oh, don't start arguing now  
agrd  
thumbs up b_ _d  
assgreeds  
we don't even need an admin, it's unanimous  
that glitter sells it  
like rainbows  
#Children of Providence vs. Deadpool 58-0 It's official

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "if words could fall like rain from these lips of mine" are lyrics from the Hymn _Listen to Our Hearts_. 
> 
> A copy of this song, as sung by non-professionals, is available for listening here: http://kleinwood.com/annual-singing/2011/08/05/listen-to-our-hearts
> 
> For those who playing reference bingo, we're got _Avengers: Age of Ultron_ and _Monty Python_ floating around.
> 
> **Author Ramblings:**
> 
> So! This fanfic predates all other fanfics that I've posted. This fanfic isn't just the _first_ C &DP fanfic I started writing, it spawned _all_ the others. 
> 
> _Holly & Marigold_, _Agrimony_ , and _Prompt Response: Faithless_ are direct spin-offs. _Kingdom_ is as close to a sequel as we're currently likely to get. _Archipelago_ is the prologue that ran amok and fell down the romance rabbit hole instead of staying on target. _Honeysuckle_ and _Flowers in Winter_ are the divergence that comes out of _Archipelago_. _In Battle, An Aid_ is the soulmate AU that was built out of an unposted soulmate AU of this. 
> 
> It all comes back to this story eventually.


	2. #clothing possession

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wade has good days and bad days.

It was quiet under the water. The world was soft and muffled, the sun warmed water colored everything a muted sepia. Well, the sepia was probably his blood staining the water around him from where his skin had broken open, aggravated by the salt. The gritty burn of salt was soothing, sharp and jagged and different from the insistent pain that crawled beneath his skin. The drowning that jerked him in and out of consciousness, was enough to distract his mind from his body. 

A bullet between the eyes lasted longer, but Wade didn't like to shoot himself on Providence ... there were too many kids and nice people and annoying pacifists and they all got upset when there were Wade pieces everywhere. Even Nate put on his saddest puppy face and got all pinched around the eyes, which was hilarious because Nate had been the worst when it came to blowing out the back of Wade's head for him. Here, though, in the stillness of the salt pool, tied to the draining grate, Wade could die all he wanted without all their sad faced judging, stealing tiny moments of peace from the pain that was driving him madder.

Today was a bad day. It wasn't just that his skin hurt in a dull persistent ache, like a muscle cramping everywhere, that was impossible to sooth or massage away. His brain hurt. The world was jagged, jerking and uneven. There were black lines and white spaces and blotches of color that refused to go where they belonged. Sometimes he breathed, and instead of being suffocated by water, he was left gasping on the white void. Sharp points stabbed him to shape him, dragging him out piece by piece. Now he was limbless, now he was whole, and always he was utterly alone in the void, unable to speak, unable to beg for mercy, the thunder of his tormentors the only noise in the nothingness.

Wade gasped desperately for air, for freedom from the white prison, and suffocated to death on salt water.

   
 

 **+Weather Vane**  
#wade wilson   #location: Salt Pools   #location: underwater

 **+Wade Wilson**  
damnit  
it's going to be one of those days, isn't it  
someone rustle the man out of the damn salt pools  
there's blood in the water  
#floating corpses  
urgh, i don't need this imagery  
now MY skin is hurting  
remember the last time?  
i'm trying to forget last time  
last time not even the cookies were enough to talk him down from the edge  
we need a better solution than cordoning off that salt pool  
it's still a solution  
it's a gross solution  
people use those pools, damnit  
this is unhygienic

   
 

~Wade loses time~

A shadow appeared in the sky and dim noise vibrated through the wall of the pool.

Wade opened his eyes, blinking against the sting of salt as he blearily looked up. A cellphone dropped into the water, spiralling as it tumbled, sinking like a stone.

He caught it automatically and jerked hard on the tie that kept him from floating. The tie snapped, the pressure on his wrist releasing as he kicked up from the bottom of the pool.

Wade surfaced with a choking cough and puked water, his body rejecting the element that had suffocated his lungs with the same brutal efficiency that it expelled bullets. He smacked the phone down on the side of the pool and only distantly worried that he might have broken it. "You dropped," he gagged, water and acid flowing over his tongue, "your phone."

"Don't worry about it, Mr. Wilson," the bleary figure said kindly -- which didn't make much sense to him, because women usually weren't happy when someone puked in front of them. "It's already broken. Come on. Let's get you out of the pool."

That made even less sense. He blinked and the world didn't grow clearer. Her hand patted his arm encouragingly, "It's time for swimming lessons."

That made more sense. Couldn't have lessons in the same pool someone was floating in. Wade hauled himself over the rim of the pool and sprawled on the hot metal of Providence's skin, gasping from the effort as the metal scorched his skin. Fuck, but it felt good to _burn_ instead of _ache_. 

"That's right. There's some hot water inside, Mr. Wilson. Come on. I'll show you."

"Did I say that out loud?" Wade croaked, opening his eyes again, "That's a shitty expository device. I protest," and found himself unable to resolve her face. 

"You did," she said calmly, grabbing his hand and leaning back to haul him to his feet. 

"Your face is gone. All the faces are gone. There isn't any color any more." He staggered forward and would have fallen if she hadn't pushed herself under his arm, keeping him upright as she wrapped an arm around his waist to steady them. 

"I have a face. Your eyes are just bleary from the salt."

"S'not the salt," Wade insisted with a mouth that didn't want to work because it was just a squiggle. 

"It's just the salt and the sun," she said with gentle firmness, "It's siesta and you know it's too hot to be out. So come inside with me. I'll have a face again by the time you've had something to drink. You'll see."

Wade staggered where she led him, out from the blinding white glare of the void into the blinding glare of sunlight on metal into the sudden cool darkness of a shop, heat and light and noise becoming coolness and quiet and darkness.

~Wade loses time~

Conversation flowed around him, the sweet cadence his white haired siren breaking the darkness. "Because what you were trying to do was terrify us into spending more money than we have! Now get out of here before the victim of violent crime in this house is _you_!"

That was his girl! Nobody better mess with her. "You tell her, Bea," Wade muttered as his eyes started to work, like a wireless suddenly coming into tune. 

The room was quiet and dim, lit by the glow of the wide screen inset in the wall and the small sconces that flickered like candles but didn't smell of smoke. Soothingly patterned blue and green tapestries hung on the cool metal walls. Steam rose from the water he was in, heavy with the scent of lavender and mint. 

Wade sat up and automatically caught the damp towel that fell off his forehead. He blinked, surprised not just by the head towel, but by the fact that he was naked. He didn't remember getting naked. 

_"Let's get you out of these clothes," the dark haired woman said kindly, half guiding half dropping him onto a folding stool. She got a grip on the back of his shirt and tugged it upwards. Wade let her before his brain could rightly form a protest._

_"H-hey! At least buy me a drink first!"_

_"I have a cellphone, Mr. Wilson," she said, as if that explained everything and perhaps it did._

_"Which you threw into a pool!" Wade accused with a gasp, "On purpose!"_

_"That one was already broken," She clicked her tongue at him in reply, "Out of those shorts and shoes now. Then into the water with you. You're all over salt."_

_"You know, I think I should stay dressed," he said primly, folding his arms protectively across his chest to shield it from her dubious gaze, "You're obviously an untrustworthy person who lures people into dark places with broken electronics and ... and ... wiles."_

_"Wiles," she repeatedly somewhat incredulously._

_" **Wiles**."_

_"Get in the pool," she said tartly as she stood. Her kimono was wet all along the one side and her hair was mussed from where he had used her as a crutch, but it didn't make her less scary. "Now I'll fetch your drink and when I get back, I expect you to be in there and your clothes to be out here." Then she turned and ducked behind a tapestry, taking his shirt with her like it was a hostage as she disappeared._

"So maybe I remember a little bit about getting naked," he muttered, brows furrowing as the memory fragmented and dispersed, wisps teasing at the edges of his thoughts, "but not the important bits, like if I got laid afterward or just stared at in a disapproving manner."

Wade had been kidnapped one handed by the onsen yakuza. Nate was going to tease him for _life_. His reputation was in tatters here. He bet the X-Men never had to deal with iron willed kimono women.

He set the towel down on the side of the pool and found his promised drink. A tall glass of lemonade, sides beaded with condensation, rested beside him on the rim of the hot pool. Next to it was a pitcher full of ice water and sliced lemons, ready to be poured ... and propped against the pitcher was a note card which read:

    

_Your clothes are in the wash.  
I'll hang them on the door when they're dry.  
Watch a few episodes while you wait.  
         >^.^< _

Iron willed kimono women who brought lemonade and kidnapped his clothes to wash them. Sometimes life was surreal and not just in a clock melting sort of way.

{Why are they so nice to us?} [Do you think they're fattening us up to eat us?] {We can't get fat off lemonade.} [But lemon chicken is better than regular chicken.] {We don't taste like chicken.} [All white meat tastes like chicken.]

"Shhhhh, our white haired angel is talking," Wade hissed to shush them. They should stay outside the lines where they belonged instead of bothering him when Bea was on screen. His brain had no respect.

Wade sank further into the water as his attention swung back to the television, Bea's adventures as soothing as the mint that prickled gently along his skin. 

... and the lemonade was delicious.

   
 

 **+Weather Vane**  
#Wade Wilson   #location: Supari Hot Pools   #location: underwater  
#clothing possession: Supari Hot Pools

**+Wade Wilson**  
it's a  #christmas miracle!  
how did you do it?  
i practiced the tried and true method of #luring with candy  
really?  
no, you dimwit, i asked him nicely  
like a normal human being  
something you wouldn't know anything about  
you done got burned  
so frosty around here  
there are those of us who act  
and there are those of us who sit and are wastes of space  
coldest burn in the history of burns  
aw, #shut the fuck up  
this is a better solution all around  
it's not really a solution  
it's just #privacy  
exactly  
at least this way the #Children of Providence don't have to see it  
I don't think there is a better solution  
we can't fix his ... whatever that is  
#superpowers  
that's a terrible superpower  
he rolled snake eyes  
well, we left him a lemonade  
and an ice pack  
#Golden Girls is on  
so you're saying we'll never see him again  
it's a solid possibility  
#gasp we might have to give up #stalking  
not the #stalking!  
say it ain't so!  
don't you people have jobs?  
this is my job  
when i get bored with it, i do work  
let's peep on #Nathan Summers  
is it that time again?  
time for?  
drumroll?  
#Meeting on the Green!  
oh, THAT time  
i always need a regular injection of #Nathan Summers  
we all need regular injections of #Nathan Summers   #winkwink   #nudgenudge

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Because what you were trying to do was terrify us into spending more money than we have! Now get out of here before the victim of violent crime in this house is _you_!" is a direct quote from _The Golden Girls_ Season 1, Episode 8 and was taken from the wikiquote page here: https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/The_Golden_Girls_(season_1)


	3. #Nathan Summers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nathan Summers is the kind of friend who would give Wade the shirt off his back ... and also his pants.

**+Weather Vane**  
****status pin****    #Wade Wilson   #location: Unknown  
#Nathan Summers   #bodyslide by two  
#clothing possession: Supari Hot Pools  
requesting #status update

**+Wade Wilson**  
uh oh  
...  
what?  
#clothing possession: Supari Hot Pools but #Wade Wilson   #bodyslide by two  
oh no  
where did they go?  
please tell me it was still here because ...  
#moons of providence set to blinding  
shiiiiiiiiiit  
#status update  
we need it right now  
and where is everyone else?  
it is like, quiet in here  
are they at work?  
please  
i think i might die of laughter  
work? HA  
HA HA HA  
i don't think the world is prepared for the #moons of providence  
forget the world, /I/ wasn't prepared  
for this much nudity  
the world is about to get a crash course in Providence 101  
don't you mean Nudity 101  
#weather vane  
#they wouldn't understand  
maybe they visited the X-Men?  
i can see that now  
Hey dad, I brought my COMPLETELY NAKED FRIEND TO VISIT  
scarred for life  
#Nathan Summers is chill  
i was talking about his dad  
then definitely scarred for life  
#status update  
#status update  
#status update  
repeating it won't make us respond faster  
it makes me feel better  
our little #weather vane  
out there all alone  
he's not alone #Nathan Summers is with him  
naked and cold  
only 50% of that is true  
probably lost and scared  
are you really doing this? #Deadpool doesn't get lost #weather vane  
#Deadpool doesn't do scared either  
and also #Nathan Summers  
#Nathan Summers isn't #weather vane?  
#Cable is immune to mortal feelings like fear  
and he's from the #the fucking future  
in that case, he's probably got a boner  
what?  
who?  
#Wade Wilson  
it'll be pointed like a compass so he can he could find his way home with it  
if home is #Nathan Summers  
exactly  
you're all perverts and drama queens  
take your tawdry suppositions to +Married? already  
they're not suppositions if they're true  
unsubstantiated by evidence  
we don't need no stinking evidence!  
I'm turning on the news  
the bloodbath will clue us in to his location  
#Nathan Summers isn't going to let him stab anyone  
except #Nathan Summers  
he doesn't have anything to stab with #inventory   #not even a cell phone  
except his boner  
#shut the fuck up

  


The meeting organizers had expected Nathan Summers to bodyslide to the meeting, since it was common knowledge that Providence had no airport. Nathan arrived on time, within the cleared five minute window, and materialized between the door and the table. He was even dressed in dark slacks and a white button down shirt, even though it was unbuttoned at the throat and sleeves were rolled up to his elbows. It was casual, but not extremely so, and a marked improvement when compared to the armor he had worn when still in command of his powers.

Wade Wilson, on the other hand, materialized horizontally over the table, completely naked and soaking wet. He landed with a bone jarring thump that made even the heavy oak of the table rattle. "Ow! Motherfucker!"

The room fell abruptly silent in surprise. 

"Wade?" Nathan recovered first. He swiftly surveyed the room for other unexpected surprises and found none, before turning his attention back to his exposed friend.

"I was taking a nap in the onsen. You know, that new Supari place. It was awesome ... emphasis on the was," Wade groaned, rolling onto his arm as he reached underneath him and pulled a pen out of his back. "Why do these have to be so _pointy_? I'm not using it to stake draculas." 

"I did remind you that we had a meeting at the UN," Nathan said without reproach as he sat down in his chair and bent to unlatch his boots so he could toe them off. He had known at breakfast that Wade was distracted, jittery and agitated by the down cycle of his regeneration. In retrospect, it seemed obvious that he should have found Wade before bodysliding.

"That was today?" Wade asked, spreading his legs as he sat up, rubbing the back of his head and taking a glance around the room, "Well, fuck, this is awkward. I'm distinctly under dressed." 

"Just a little," Nathan said lightly as he unbuttoned his shirt. At home, on Providence, Wade didn't often feel the need to hide himself. He walked around without worrying about what other people thought when they looked at him ... but that didn't mean he was ready to be seen by _strangers_ or to be the only man in a room who was naked, brought here because Nathan hadn't thought to check on him first.

Wade promptly lost interest in the discussion of who was responsible for what meeting faux pas and fixated on the nearest distraction in the room: three bottles of the Japanese ambassador's preferred drink sitting in a bowl of ice. [Oh sweet, is that Ramune?]

[Please, take one], Kenzo Okazaki gestured politely, handling his full frontal view of Wade's assets with truly admirable aplomb.

[Thanks! Don't mind if I do], Wade leaned in and snatched a bottle, popping the top and tipping his head back to chug the contents.

Bravado was how Wade handled the world, throwing his personality out like he would throw a punch, not allowing others to see his weak points. Strong arming a drink from a man too polite to tell him -- well, the small smile that Okazaki was sporting seemed to indicate that he was not entirely immune to Wade's charm.

Nathan shrugged out of his shirt and tossed it over Wade's head. Wade squawked and flailed, flinging the bottle at Nathan in instinctive response to the sudden cotton assault on his person. Nathan caught the bottle, drank the last of its contents -- it was pleasantly fizzy, but it made his teeth feel squeaky -- and tossed it in the trash, where it landed with a thump. 

Wade yanked the shirt off his head and then stared at it blankly, unable to compute. He looked up at Nathan and blinked. 

"We could have just hop, skipped, jumped, and slid back home." Despite his words, Wade hastily slid off the table to stand in front of Nathan, struggling into the shirt, wet skin dragging against the cotton. "C'mon, Nate. Jump jump! Slide slide!"

"And hold up this meeting more than it already has been?" Nathan caught the shirt by the lapels and tugged, helping Wade pull it into place before he began to button it from the top down. Wade pushed his hands away and took over. "That won't be necessary."

"In that case, I'm hurt that you didn't offer me your pants." Wade fluttered his eyelids playfully, which did nothing to hide the stressed tightening of the skin around his pale eyes.

"We're getting there," Nathan said placidly as Wade fumbled with the shirt sleeves, reaching down to unfasten his pants.

"Because I can guarantee that everyone in this room, given the choice, would rather see me clothed and you nak -- what?" Wade's manic chatter sputtered out as he caught up with Nathan. "Nate!" Wade lunged forward and slapped his hands away from his pants, "You can't have this meeting naked. No shirt, no shoes, no service!" 

"Of course I can." It was sweet of Wade to care, but it didn't bother Nathan to have this meeting in the buff. "I'll be sitting down. There's a table. This is hardly something to be concerned abo -- " 

Wade hissed like an outraged tea kettle and shoved Nathan backwards into his chair. Not expecting the blow, Nathan staggered back and abruptly sat as his legs hit the seat of the chair. Wade slammed his hands down on the chair arms and leaned in to pin Nathan in place with the force of his glare, pale eyes flashing like swords. "The nudity express has left the building! Stop taking your pants off. Unless you _want_ to take your pants off to give us a show. I mean, I'm always up for you dancing on the table but I'm thinking we're going to need, yanno, vodka or possibly nail polish remover to get really hammered and -- you know what? Where the fuck is your disgusting grass flavored tea?"

Nathan drew in a surprised, shocked breath, suddenly able to breathe again as Wade straightened and swung the full force of his attention onto the unsuspecting members of the room, sweeping his gaze across the table.

"Just fucking look at this! A refreshing bottle of Ramune -- [thanks, by the way] --" Okazaki gracefully inclined his head in acknowledgement. " -- Fanta at six different seats. Someone's drinking Dr. Pepper and that fucker in the back has Federweisser out of fucking season. Yeah, you pretentious twat, I'm talking about you!"

Who was drinking what had literally nothing to do with this meeting and Nathan wasn't entirely sure why Wade had suddenly decided to chase this tangent instead of just _accept_ Nathan's pants. "Wade -- "

Wade stampeded over his barely fledged objection without even turning around, " -- and yet there is not a single fucking leaf of your tea here. There isn't even a bottle of water. We've gone way past not respecting you in the morning and flown right into outright snubbing." 

Nathan might feel more indignant if his attention hadn't been caught by his shirt riding up over the pleasing swell of Wade's well rounded ass, damp cotton clinging to every ridge on his skin. Now was not the time to wonder how high Wade would jump if Nathan just leaned over and bit him on a plump cheek. "Hmmm." 

Wade spun and stabbed a finger into Nathan's chest. He must have noticed the smirk that was teasing at the edges of Nathan's mouth because he stabbed his finger down a couple more times as he exclaimed in exasperation. "Just shut up!" Nathan lifted an eyebrow. _He_ wasn't the one doing all the talking around here. " _You_ will stay right here, with your pants _on_ , and be," he waved his hand in the air in a convoluted gesture that Nathan took to be mildly insulting, " _you_. _I_ 'm going to go and restore your fucking honor." 

Nathan suspected that he had probably lost a fairly large portion of what Wade had been saying while he was distracted, because his honor would never be affected by the amount of clothes he was wearing. No, if anything, this entire rant was Wade setting up his strategic retreat from the limelight. In a thoroughly convoluted and round about way that only Wade could think was effective and only Nathan, who was familiar with his friend's tactics, would notice. "Thank you, Wade," he said gravely.

Caught off guard by Nathan's easy acceptance, Wade stared warily back, abruptly silent as he rocked back on his heels in a slow, uneasy shift. Nathan smiled, pierced by a small pang of tenderness that Wade would still be so uneasy by something as fundamental as thanks. There was, however, a few sure fire ways to reassure his friend and he shamelessly employed one of them. "I appreciate your completely obnoxious efforts on my behalf," he added solemnly, rounding his eyes in false innocence.

"Jerk!" Wade huffed and settled just as abruptly as he had been thrown off guard, grinning back. "You appreciate nothing!"

"Not at all," Nathan continued seriously, "I -- "

"Ugh! Shut up! Not everyone's a girl here! I'm not in touch with feelings! I'm not in touch with _your_ feelings! I'm allergic to feelings! So stay here and talk about your feelings while I go be more awesome than you and liberate your tea from our one world government socialist oppressors." Wade dodged past him, stalking to the doors and flinging the doors open so hard they banged against the wall. He stared down the security guards that stood outside of it when they swung around to stare. "What are _you_ looking at? You never seen a penis before?" he demanded imperiously.

The doors bounced back and swung shut behind him, muffling any response.

Nathan shook his head in amusement, touched by Wade's over the top antics on his behalf, before looking over the rest of the room placidly, "It's fifteen after. I believe the meeting has been delayed long enough. Shall we begin?"

  


**+Wade Wilson**  
whelp, i found them  
just turned on the news and there they were  
_[uploaded picture Nathan Summers at the UN]_  
i can't believe this is real life  
i can't believe it didn't end in bloodshed  
when are we gonna see someone beat someone else with a shoe?  
that's the real democratic process at work  
i can't take it seriously when it doesn't end it fisticuffs  
this is government, not hockey  
guvment would be better with trial by combat  
ooo, that would be a good use of superheroes  
bring out your champion!  
captain america vs. spider-man!  
captain america vs. captain britian makes more sense  
omega red vs. captain britian!  
omega red vs. wolverine!!!!  
i'd pay to see all that if it didn't keep happening for free  
how does canada keep getting the good champions?  
we stole one  
we stole two  
no, no, one of them is from  #the fucking future  
#the fucking future isn't a country  
new york thinks they're a country. that vs. was legit  
let's be real  
#Nathan Summers would win  
or he'd use #Deadpool  
did he just do this naked?  
nah  
look lower, you can see he's still got pants  
like  
how does #Nathan Summers not rule the world?  
it's a mystery  
wrapped in an enigma  
hidden inside some pants  
i think the rest of the world enjoys clothing  
the founding principle of this island is too much for them  
i thought the founding principle of this island was freedom  
i came for the freedom  
but i stayed for the random acts of nudity  
the better question  
is how does #Nathan Summers avoid international incidents  
when he's got the #moons of providence with him  
mind control?  
yeah, i'm thinking mind control  
he bribes them with his body  
look at that body  
i'd like to say that i would be above such blandishments  
but i'm not

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Our reference bingo today includes _Megaman_ / _Rockman 8_ and a pretty oblique one to _Buffy the Vampire Slayer_.
> 
> Kenzo Okazaki resembles no real diplomat living or dead, but his first and last name was taken randomly from the list of Japanese ambassadors to the UN.
> 
> Federweisser is a seasonal German wine that is only mildly fermented.
> 
> Wade Wilson can canonically speak both German and Japanese fluently and I believe it is not unreasonable that he would be at least passingly familiar with the beverages from those countries. Non-English occurs in [] instead of "".


	4. #civil war

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There is a deep ideological rift on Providence that can't be overcome.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Color coding was added to provide some clarity.

**+Wade Wilson**  
now that all our entertainment has  #bodyslide by two  
all gone  
gone  
it's a wasteland  
what are going to dooooooo?!  
work?  
get thee from me satan  
this is an island in the south pacific  
I'm not here to work  
I'm here to sip pina colada on the beach  
there are no beaches  
salt pools  
whatever  
i know  
let's go to the +Nathan Summers thread  
and fuck with them  
i keep forgetting that there IS a +Nathan Summers thread

**+Nathan Summers**  
Banishment won't serve as a long term punishment.  
It would engender resentment and a desire to punish us for their punishment.  
\--user logged on--  
\--user logged on--  
\--user joined chat--  
\--user joined chat--  
\--user joined chat--  
\--user joined chat--  
\--user logged on--  
\--user logged on--  
\--user joined chat--  
\--user joined chat--  
banishment?  
#wtf banishment  
punctuation!  
proper use of capitals!  
\--user logged on--  
\--user logged on--  
\--user joined chat--  
\--user joined chat--  
#nerds  
... and here comes the riff raff.  
#wtf grammar  
#wtf british insults   
\--user logged on--  
\--user logged on--  
\--user joined chat--  
\--user joined chat--  
\--user joined chat--  
\--user joined chat--  
\--user logged on--  
seriously  
you seriously have the user logon turned on  
#wtf  
#Nathan Summers followers are crazy  
\--user joined chat--  
\--user joined chat--  
\--user joined chat--  
\--user joined chat--  
what is this, the user logon gestapo?  
#user logon gestapo  
don't just make tags  
son, there are rules  
logging into your house  
breaking all your rules  
father!  
dad!  
pops!  
poptarts!  
#shut the fuck up  
\--user logged off--  
\--user logged on--  
\--user logged off--  
\--user logged on--  
how can you live like this?  
the #log on log off asshole #strikes again  
this is why we have this turned off  
\--user logged off--  
\--user logged on--  
\--user logged off--  
\--user logged on--  
this jerkface right here  
i love this function  
we know  
that's why we turned it off  
to deny you all joy in life  
We have it turned on to warn us of your arrival. Obviously.  
Don't you have your own threads?  
don't you have your own tags  
yeah stop using ours  
we claim it  
#shut the fuck up  
#Nathan Summers followers are supposed to be too classy to tell us to #shut the fuck up  
no no  
we got told  
so we turned on ourselves?  
brother against brother?  
sister against sister!  
citizen against citizen!!!!  
the epic battle that tore our island apart  
#civil war  
this is the #colony of peace and hippies  
we can't have #civil war  
sure we can  
SHUT THE FUCK UP  
wow  
they mad  
#u mad bro?  
it's like #shut the fuck up^2  
There is just no reasoning with them, is there?  
They don't understand reason.  
Why are you here? Don't you have a thread -- not this one -- where you can spend your time?  
A thread filled with idiocy?  
#bodyslide by two  
we were so lonely  
we missed you  
i didn't miss you  
he came here to fuck with you  
but i missed you  
#one true love  
so where are the naked pictures of #Nathan Summers  
snap!  
#nsfw pictures  
Is that all you think about?  
sometimes i think of pie  
you don't have to just give them to us  
we could trade. our pics for your pics  
our dicks for your dicks  
These are the days that I wonder what the immigration criteria for Providence actually is ...   
gross  
try to keep it out of the gutter  
nobody wants pictures of #Wade Wilson  
just because he's naked so often ...  
no!  
it's because he's ugly!  
It's like we're not even in our own thread anymore. They aren't even listening to us.  
They never listen.  
#cold as ice  
#frosty the snow bitch be burning  
So, banishment is beginning to look very appealing.   
At least the power to banish users from certain threads.  
The entire #Wade Wilson thread should be forbidden entry.  
oh snap  
#Nathan Summers thread just told #Wade Wilson thread it can't get laid no more  
#forbidden entry is forbidden  
to this thread's most private place!!  
#access denied!  
why have you denied us the delicate petals of your coding?  
what will it take  
to make you love us again?  
That's it!  
#shut the fuck up  
#civil war  
You've sunk to a new low.  
They made me do it.  
They drove me to the brink of despair.  
#drama llama  
just like #Nathan Summers  
If only I could bring about nuclear winter.  
then the island would be cold  
and we'd get spider powers  
#superpowers  
Radiation doesn't work like that.  
tell that to the fantastic four  
and the hulk  
and spider-man  
and #Deadpool  
that's a face only a radioactive wasteland could love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This whole story used to be just chat convos like this. Ponder that reality.


	5. #napping

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The citizens of Providence have many gifts ... but singing isn't one of them.

Nathan placed his hand on top of Wade's head and pushed down. "You're still shorter than me," he said with a smirk, knowing it would rile his friend up. 

Wade predictably puffed up like a irate cat, shoving Nathan's hand off his head, "The rest of us are normal, _you're_ the one who's a ginormous dinosaur of a man."

"I'm not the one wearing heels in their sandals."

"These aren't heels. They are geta. For _puddles_. We're in the South Pacific, Nate. It rains! Which you would know if you ever went outside."

"We're going outside now, shrimp."

"Shut your lobster face!" 

Nathan lifted his eyebrows in question, "Lobster?"

"That's the color you're going to be if you don't put on any suntan lotion."

"That's not going to be necessary," Nathan rolled his eyes. Wade could fixate on the strangest things. "This point in the time line doesn't have anything close to the intensity of UV radiation that I'm used to."

"I could help you put it on." Wade offered, "Suntan lotion for the one side, some WD-40 for the other."

Nathan shook his head, "It'll be fine."

  

**+Weather Vane**  
#Wade Wilson   #location: Summers Parkway   #inventory   #Nathan Summers

**+Wade Wilson**  
what?  
he's in his pockets?  
how would he even  
pokeball  
I CHOOSE YOU, NATHAN SUMMERS  
eye attack is super effective!  
telepathy  
eye attack  
telekinesis  
eye attack  
eyes don't attack  
eye attack  
techno organic something something  
don't make me hashtag  
you will regret everything  
#i regret nothing  
#eye attack  
#i regret everything  
#shut the fuck up  
people can't be #inventory  
we've discussed this  
we have  
and we decided that since cats can be #inventory  
that living things count as #inventory  
when was the cats?  
when did we ever decide?  
are you just joining us here on #Providence?  
because let us tell you  
some shit  
not the cats, not the cats!  
once upon a time #Wade Wilson had a #bag of cats  
ugh, don't tell the story  
that's why we have #thread history  
but it's a good story  
no no no not the cats  
#shut the fuck up  
#Nathan Summers isn't #inventory  
pretty sure he is  
especially since #Nathan Summers   #inventory absolutely includes #Wade Wilson  
#trufax  
what have i told you about the spelling #truefacts  
get thee from me, follower of +Nathan Summers  
the first tag in #Nathan Summers   #inventory is #Wade Wilson  
bolded and everything  
#bodyslide by two doesn't count as #inventory  
#bodyslide by two = pockets  
that .........  
...... could ....  
are you incapable of just agreeing with me?  
...... possibly ....  
#shatner voice  
it causes him suffering  
to agree with a +Nathan Summers follower  
omg really  
this is what we've descended to?  
#civil war  
we're not going to war with you idiots  
because we'd win  
no you wouldn't  
we would  
#shut the fuck up  
OUR thread doesn't need that tag  
#shut the fuck up  
#civil war  
can you two stop having your #civil war in this thread?  
we're trying to discuss #inventory  
for reals  
#pokeball  
oh you did not even  
I CHOOSE YOU, WADE WILSON  
stab attack is super effective  
that's just how #Nathan Summers rolls  
throws #Deadpool goes right for the throat with that stab attack  
stab attack?  
katanas  
stab attack  
knives  
don't start this again 

  

"I'm ashamed to know you."

While he acknowledged that Wade was talking, Nathan had mostly stopped paying attention to the words and was just listening to the sound of Wade's voice. 

"Of all the places in Providence that are showing something, _this_ is the place you picked? Really?"

Nathan scanned the Green, looking for a spot on the lawn that would fit the two of them comfortably. He favored the edges, where Wade's restlessness would be less distracting to other audience members, where they wouldn't have to navigate the growing number of spread blankets, and where they wouldn't be _surrounded_.

"Oh! There's a spot!"

Wade abruptly swerved and cut through the crowd onto the lawn, forcing Nathan to follow him or be left behind. There were moments where Nathan was grateful for the more shameless aspects of Wade's company and this was one of them. His friend strode through the narrow spaces between pitched blankets, keeping up a stream of nonsense commentary as he wove past families and groups of friends. Nathan only had to follow him and step where he had stepped, letting Wade part the standing crowd like a ship's bow piercing the waves. If Wade was made uncomfortable by the press of so many people, he never showed it.

Wade flopped down in the center of the Green, a space not yet filled with blankets, and rolled sideways to make room for Nathan, legs kicking out lightly as he propped himself up on his elbows. Nathan would have sat closer to the nearest blanket to make more space for other guests if Wade hadn't grabbed the largest possible square of grass by laying down right in the middle of it. It was only after Nathan had sat down beside him, that he realized how strategic his choice was. Between the two of them and Wade's kicking legs, there wasn't a good stretch of grass to lay any blankets down without infringing on their personal space.

Wade rolled onto his back, wriggling like a puppy in the grass as he shielded his eyes from the sun, waving his arms around.

"What did I tell you? We should have brought suntan lotion. You're going to burn to a crispy red crisp."

There really were a lot of people here. Even as Nathan watched, patches of grass were being filled in by newcomers. Wade rolled onto his stomach, propping himself up on his elbow as he batted lightly at Nathan's hand.

"Hey, Nate."

Nathan was aware the population of Providence was now large enough to rival a small town, but he hadn't expected the entire island to turn out for today's show. 

Wade caught his hand, meshing their fingers together, lining up their arms as he sat up, "Nate, hey." Caught by the arm and by the sudden closeness of Wade's face, Nathan's attention refocused, only to drift past him as a group of people passed behind Wade's head.

Wade frowned and gave his whole arm a shake, pushing his head forward until their foreheads bumped sharply, "Nate."

Now Nathan paid attention as he focused crossly on Wade's face, "What? Wade - "

"I've got your back," Wade punctuated that statement with a squeeze to his captured hand as he waved their joined arms, "And this is Providence ... the island of hippies. So relax and enjoy the terrible, terrible music you've picked because I. Have. Got. Your. Back," he enunciated the last part slowly.

Nathan stared into Wade's pale, pale blue eyes, trying to pick out the rim between the white and iris. Their breathing mingling until Nathan's breathing had settled into a rhythmic match to Wade's. He did know that Wade had his back. He glanced at Wade's marred lips, "It won't be terrible," he said instead of saying 'I know.'

"Three Joes and the Ho can't sing, Nate," those lips curved into a smirk.

Nathan thought about closing the distance between their lips ... but Wade pulled away, falling backwards onto the grass once more, smiling at him from where he pillowed his head on his free arm. Wade licked his lips and smirked again as Nathan's attention riveted on the motion, watching Nathan from pale, hooded eyes. 

Nathan licked his lips in return, distracted by the sudden vivid fantasy of what he could do to Wade, right here in public, if only his telekinesis was still working. "Wade," it more a moan than a word, making Nathan clear his throat to start again, "Surely they can play."

Wade gave a little full body wiggle, drawing Nathan's eyes to the flex of muscle beneath his shirt, waving their joined hands in the air as he grinned, "Nope, they can't do that either."

"Then why are all these people here to listen to them?" Nathan asked, arching his brows. He pulled on their joined hands and Wade rolled onto his side, propping himself up on an elbow as he tried to tuck Nathan's arm against his side and failed miserably as Nathan held it up. 

"Because it's a beautiful day for snacks and naps on the lawn? Because nobody here has any taste? See again, island of hippies. Because we feel so, so sorry for them and want them to practice in the desperate hope that they'll get better and live up to their frankly awesome band name? I don't know, Nate, why did _you_ pick them? Had you heard them before? Do you like their music? Please tell me you don't like their music, Nate." 

Nathan made a noncommittal sound. He had never heard them before, but they were the only group playing on the Green today. 

"I don't think I can take the kind of lack of taste that it implies. I'd have to cut you off. Make you go cold turkey. Wean you away from this unwholesome addiction." 

The only thing Nathan was addicted to was Wade. The Wade he was when he was here on Providence with Nathan: open enough to show himself, going with him to listen to music he didn't like, becoming a buffer for him in crowds he was uncomfortable in without his powers, shielding not just his back but his weaker arm (Nathan _had_ noticed the side Wade had picked to sit on), teasing and flirting ... Nathan was more than addicted to that Wade. He was falling in love with him.

  

**+Weather Vane**  
#Wade Wilson   #location: The Green   #inventory   #Nathan Summers

**+Wade Wilson**  
_[uploaded picture Wade Wilson Nathan Summers on the Green]_  
oh hey, I'm in that picture  
where?  
that person in the green shirt in the background  
better than a  #red shirt  
i can barely see you  
that's because #Nathan Summers is in the way  
that fat bastard #sarcasm waterfall  
your humor is too british for me, sir  
start taking video then  
+Married? needs more material like whoa  
why do i have to take video? you take video  
you're there  
so are you  
am not  
you uploaded the picture  
it's too obvious if i turn around and take video of them #subtlety  
#THIS IS PROVIDENCE  
we have no #subtlety  
puhlease, we're #ninjas  
is anyone else there?  
with a better angle  
I'm here on the side, I've got this 

  

One moment Wade was rattling on about whiny protest songs from the sixties, then in the next Wade was just gone. Three notes into the opening strains of the performance his eyes fluttered shut mid sentence and he tipped forward, head pillowed neatly on his arm, a puppet with his strings suddenly cut. 

Nathan nearly jumped out of his skin as he lunged forward in alarm, fingers going immediately to Wade's throat to test for a pulse ... only to find it steady, smoothing out into the slow beat of his sleeping pulse while Nathan's own hammered in his throat. 

Exasperated relief slowly replaced alarm as Wade continued breathing, now obviously asleep rather than suddenly ill or injured. Around them, the rest of the audience merely murmured and settled themselves as the performance continued. 

Nathan's fingers curled protectively around the back of Wade's neck, thumb resting gently against his pulse. Just sleeping. Nathan had never seen him drop off so abruptly before, not even when he had purposefully tried to wear Wade out so _he_ could sleep. He was just sleeping with Nathan's hand wrapped around his fragile neck, soft and trusting. Just sleeping in the middle of all theses people, any one of whom could ... Nathan's grip tightened, but Wade didn't even twitch, his pulse staying even and steady. 

Nathan glanced around, but no one was paying any attention to them. Some of them were watching the performance. Some of them played with their phones, oblivious to everything. People spoke softly or cuddled together on their blankets, wrapped up in each other. Children played quietly. One woman flashed him an easy smile as their eyes met, glancing only briefly over at Wade before her attention returned to her phone. 

Tension eased slowly from Nathan's shoulders. There wasn't any danger here. Of course there wasn't. This was Providence. Nathan had designed it to be a place of safety and refuge. Even Wade, skittish and paranoid, was so completely at ease that he'd fallen asleep ... and Nathan was going to give him hell for dropping off mid-sentence like an elder, especially after all those old age jokes at Nathan's expense. So much hell. He slid his hand up, stroking over Wade's bare head with a smirk. Wade was as bald as an elder too. Nathan shifted, getting comfortable as he leaned back on his metal hand as the other curled comfortably over Wade's neck once more, reassured by the smooth, steady beat of Wade's pulse beneath his fingertips.

  

**+Weather Vane**  
****status pin****    #Wade Wilson   #location: The Green   #inventory   #Nathan Summers   #napping

**+Wade Wilson**  
the music here is terrible  
that's because Three Joes and the Ho can't sing  
or play instruments  
or keep to a tune  
my ears are being tortured  
it was so bad that  #Wade Wilson rendered himself unconscious to escape  
nah, that was the #napping  
#narcolepsy  
did you see #Nathan Summers freak out?  
like he never saw #napping before  
#Wade Wilson doesn't sleep at night  
for reals  
you'd think #Nathan Summers would KNOW that  
being the cause of the lack of sleep #winkwink   #nudgenudge  
#red suited justice is the cause of lack of sleep 

**+Nathan Summers x Wade Wilson** [auto redirect from **+Married?** ]  
sometimes i am 100% certain that they are fucking  
and then, like right now, i think that there is NO WAY they are fucking  
because how can #Nathan Summers NOT know about #Wade Wilson and #narcolepsy  
technically, no one has diagnosed him with it  
spontaneous #napping  
a trend of #napping that is so constant we have a dedicated thread to it to document it  
that man sleeps at the drop of hat, for no apparent reason, in every possible location  
safe locations  
theoretically safe locations  
i'm just pointing out that he's never anywhere DANGEROUS when he falls asleep  
i checked our pics on that one  
and well #weather vane  
does #weather vane count?  
i think at this point, it's undisputed that #Wade Wilson ALWAYS knows when it's going to rain  
there is literally NO INSTANCE that we know of where #moons of providence has happened and it HASN'T rained  
so logically it follows that #weather vane also knows when it's perfectly safe to sleep  
out in the open, around children, on roofs, etc  
which doesn't explain why he doesn't sleep at NIGHT  
well, he might be, but we don't see it  
we know he's always doing his rounds outside, but we don't go following him around  
#professional stalking  
it's super hard to follow him when he's on the roof  
like get off the roof, dude  
well, we try to employ #subtlety  
you know he knows that we're doing it  
he can't #weather vane and NOT know  
he doesn't let on ...  
technically, #lost clothes isn't letting on it's going to rain  
we #SCIENCE BITCHES that one  
our $Hypothesis was legit  
and he makes these comments sometimes about our phones ...  
he knows #weather vane  
he's just a lot more #subtle than we are  
hard to believe that #Deadpool is #subtle  
there is so much lack of #subtlety there it boggles the mind  
and yet  
#weather vane  
but, it explains #Nathan Summers not knowing about #napping  
#Wade Wilson is being #subtle around #Nathan Summers?  
#my mind it is blown  
shocking concept, #amiright?  
it's either that or #Nathan Summers isn't paying attention  
we do hide things from him  
and he doesn't have a phone  
he's so cute when he thinks he knows everything  
so so cute  
lookit his little smuggy face  
_[bump picture Nathan Summers at the UN]_  
mrow baby  
give us some more  #Nathan Summers pictures  
someone give the #Children of Providence some water balloons  
get that shirt all wet!  
we need wet t-shirt action!  
warm up the phones  
it's about to get real 

  

The sun was hot on the back of Nathan's neck as the performance finally wound down to a close. Nathan could feel the beginnings of a sunburn and ruefully regretted not letting Wade have his way with some sunscreen. Used to using telekinesis as a sun shield, he had dismissed the lotion as being both inferior and insufficient. Now he realized even some protection would have been better than none. 

Nathan groaned as he straightened, taking a moment to stretch his arms and loosen the tension in his back, feeling stiff from sitting still so long. He slid his hand idly down Wade's back, tracing his spine, considering whether he wanted to wake him or let him sleep. Despite the threat of more sunburn, the idea of laying out on the grass beside Wade and taking his own nap did have some appeal. There was no one who needed him to be anywhere this afternoon. He could indulge in --

The sudden bunching of Wade's muscles beneath his hand was the only warning Nathan had before everything went pear shaped. Wade rolled and kicked off the ground, leaping away like a startled cat, flailing and yelping, just as Nathan was hit by a dozen different impacts of cold, cold water. Children stampeded past them, shrieking happily as they pelted each other and the crowd with water balloons.

Feeling stunned, Nathan stared as Wade pinwheeled for balance before falling over. Wade jerked upright again to yell after the kids, "That's right! Run, you little miscreants! When I catch you, I'm throwing you in the ocean to swim with the fishes! See if I don't! And get off my lawn! I walked five miles to school and back, uphill, and in the snow!"

Nathan snorted a laugh, tension run out of him in a second as he reached up to push his wet bangs away from his face, "Five miles, huh?"

"Every day! Rain or shine or piles of snow ... what with it being _Canada_ ," Wade reiterated as he climbed to his feet and returned to Nathan's side, reaching out to mess with Nathan's hair, shoving it all back into his face, "Oh hey, Nate, they got you _good_."

"It's ... refreshing," Nathan replied, leaning into the touch for a long moment before he slapped Wade on the hip. "Help me up, old man."

Wade gasped in exaggerated shock as he stepped back and pulled Nathan to his feet. "Old man? Me? You're the one who's the silver fox around here!" Sometimes Nathan forgot how strong Wade was until he did something like this, pulling him up with no obvious effort beyond the rhythmic flex of muscle beneath ridged skin.

"Come now, Wade, you were already bald when I was in diapers," Nathan smirked as he used his grip on Wade to yank him in close, wrapping his arms around him to give him a bear hug, transferring water from shirt to shirt. Wade wasn't going to escape unscathed.

"I am in the prime of my life and you, _you_ , are over the hi -- stop hugging me, you putz, you're getting me wet," Wade said in escalating indignation, squirming in Nathan's grip as he realized that Nathan wasn't just hugging him, he was getting him wet too. 

"I needed a towel," Nathan chuckled, dropping an arm lower along Wade's back to plaster them closer together, "and look, there you were."

  

**+Weather Vane**  
****status pin****    #Wade Wilson   #location: The Green   #inventory   #Nathan Summers

**+Wade Wilson**  
#Nathan Summers wants to #bodyslide by two back into the bedroom  
for reals  
inexplicable attraction is inexplicable  
to #Wade Wilson?  
i say again, inexplicable  
skin aside, that body is shapely  
but still, skin  
skin is pretty unsettling with the moving  
what?  
have you like ... watched it?  
it MOVES  
check out dat video  
but #dat ass  
the eyes are a little creepy  
they're blue  
clouded over blue like a corpse!  
they're just really really pale  
like a corpse  
dude, stop freaking out  
i'm not, i'm just sayin'  
also, the crazy  
harmless crazy  
#Deadpool is not harmless  
harmless to us  
and to #Nathan Summers  
okay, that's true  
but still  
be honest  
who here is legit attracted to #Wade Wilson?  
eh, i wouldn't kick him out of bed for eating tacos  
lol whut  
you know he would eat them in bed  
you know it  
haha, that's true  
he would  
i could throw down with it  
i'd honestly rather not  
moving skin is too much for me  
no thanks  
i'd do #Nathan Summers  
even with the metal, which is a little unsettling on it's own  
it looks fine!  
it looks like it pinches!  
pinches delicate parts when it moves! no thanks, bro!  
i never even thought of that  
now i can't stop thinking about it  
moving skin pinched by metal skin?  
ick  
#Wade Wilson falls off buildings and is fine  
don't think the pinching rates high on his list  
pinching is foreplay?  
and he has that one blank eye  
that IS a little creepy  
not as creepy as both of #Wade Wilson's eyes  
still  
creepy eyes are creepy  
what are you all even discussing?  
banging  
foreplay  
pinching  
tacos  
corpses  
i don't even want to know anymore


	6. #Nathan Summers x Wade Wilson

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nate might not realize it, but Wade's always looking out for him.

**+Weather Vane**  
#Wade Wilson   #location: Summers Parkway  
#abrupt directional change

**+Wade Wilson**  
#abrupt directional change  
alert alert!  
abort! mission abort!  
place your bets quick, guys!  
cookies  
enchiladas  
#Nathan Summers  
cookies  
#body in the sewer  
#Nathan Summers  
children in peril  
good one #Children of Providence  
tacos  
#body in the sewer  
cookies  
it's that time of the day, folks  
for cookies?  
for #Nathan Summers  
#Meeting on the Green! I'm already there, guys  
and it's looking like #Nathan Summers is the winner  
damn  
damn  
damn  
twizzlersticks  
argh 

  

"Nate! Nate! Come quick!" Wade plunged into the crowd around Nathan and grabbed his hand, pulling imperiously, "Or you're gonna totally miss out on the very best thing you've ever put in your mouth. Second best? Third best? It's in the top ten at least!"

"This is not the time for a blow job, Wade," Nathan answered, having automatically translated best thing and mouth into Wade speak despite his focus on other matters. A report from waste water treatment had been strange enough to weigh on his mind. Why had facilities maintenance been shut down in the first place?

"Don't distract me with how perfect you are. I can't handle the complex juggling of my highest priorities. Argh! Focus! This is ten times as important as whatever it is you're doing right now."

Even though Nathan knew that Wade's attention span could be variable at best, he had still proved that he had at least some interest in the day to day workings of Providence, "There was a shutdown in the southeast drainage sys -- "

Wade airily waved a hand, making a piffing noise. "Old news. Totally last week and handled. I've already done you a solid there and here I am doing you another. You're so indebted to me that there's not enough blow jobs in the world to even us up."

The crowd suddenly shifted as a chorus of pings rang out. One person after another fished their phones out to check their messages. Some didn't even need to do that. Nathan had slowly gotten used to the fact that as the leader of this island, some of the residents were always going to be filming him. 

"Hear that? Sweet updates are incoming," Wade leaned in and grabbed Nathan's hand, "Nate, _come on _! We're late for a very important date!"__

"Wade, this is -- "

"EMERGENCY BODYSLIDE BY TWO!"

  

**+Wade Wilson**  
whoops, there went a  #bodyslide by two  
SO WHERE IS HE GOING NOW?!  
to the love shack?  
just a little 'ol thing  
where we get tog-eth-ether!  
your text singing is worse than your real singing  
no singing is worse than text singing  
no, no singing is worse than Three Joes and the Ho  
argh  
stop punishing my ears  
i can't take it anymore  
just end me  
#island of peace and hippies can't sing  
people, can we get a #status update  
where did they go? 

  

"Nate needs a life line, Nina! STAT!" Wade Wilson burst out the second he and Nathan Summers materialized inside Nina Watson's still closed bakery. 

As always, Wade had both no respect for business hours and impeccable timing. Nina had only just finished taking pictures of her fresh-from-the-oven cookies and posted them on +Baking. She propped her phone on the counter top and made sure that she hit 'record', stealthily hit it, like a pro, before she picked up her spatula and smiled, "Of course." 

Nina freed two cookies from the baking sheet, folded them in a napkin, and handed them to Nathan. "Careful, Mr. Summers, they're very fresh."

They were so fresh that they nearly fell apart just from the pressure of Nathan's grip as he accepted them, bemused, "Thank you." His eyes drifted from Nina to Wade's backside, which was now his highest point as he was leaning over the counter, arm outstretched to take a cookie directly from the hot pan.

Nina smacked Wade's thieving hand out of the way with the spatula, "Don't touch that. You'll get burned."

"Worth it," was the blithe reply, but Nathan had already grabbed Wade by the back of his Deadpool patterned shirt and hauled him back.

"It's unsanitary," Nina said firmly, flashing Nathan a smile of thanks for his timely aid. 

Wade twisted in Nathan's grip, pulling himself loose and made grabby hands until Nina handed him his own pair of napkin wrapped cookies, which Wade promptly shoved into his mouth, moaning in joy. 

Satisfied that Wade wouldn't make any more cookie motivated lunges across the counter, Nathan nibbled on his own treat, eyes widening as warm spices filled his mouth, only gently sweetened to bring out the flavor. "These are good!" he blurted out surprised, before flashing Nina a guilty look, "I knew they would be good, of course ... I just don't usually -- "

"You don't like sweet things," Wade filled in smugly as he leaned against the counter and smirked knowingly. "He doesn't appreciate the things I do for him," Wade lamented to Nina. 

"Of course not, Mr. Wilson," Nina just nodded along indulgently, smiling in amusement, "Would you like another, Mr. Summers?"

"Yes, thank you," Nathan accepted this wrapped pair with far more pleasure than he had taken the first, biting into them immediately, "Please call me Nathan."

"As you wish ... " Nina smirked, "Mr. Summers." 

"It's no use getting them to use your first name, Nate," Wade said as he reached over the counter to try to snag another set of cookies, but Nina pulled the pan out of his way, "That's not how they roll. It's the passive aggressive name gestapo on this island. I've been Mr. Wilsoned to death. They're killing me with it."

"It's called manners, Mr. Wilson, and you're lacking in them enough for all of us," Nina said primly, lifting one cookie after another off the pan to place them on the cooling rack.

Wade mimed a blow to the heart, moaning "Burn! I've been frosted to death with this burn! Do you hear this, Nate?" 

"We all live on top of each other here," Nina continued, ignoring Wade's complaining completely, "it doesn't hurt anyone to be polite."

"I don't know, I think I could die from it."

Nathan smiled, eyes crinkling in amusement at the exchange, content to let Nina handle Wade while he finished her wonderful cookies.

"It's also to show our respect for what you've done for us," Nina said, smiling at them both. Wade's smart mouth stuttered to a halt as he gaped at her in surprise. Nathan blinked, nonplussed at the sudden switch in the tone of the conversation. "Come by again some time, Mr. Summers, it's always lovely to see you." Her lips tilted into a smirk as her attention switched to Wade, "Mr. Wilson knows when business hours are ... even if he pretends like he doesn't." 

Having finished speaking, Nina swept through the door to her work room with her cooling rack.

  

**+Wade Wilson**  
i found them!  
_[Picture Upload: Wade Wilson and Nathan Summers at the Bakery]_  
aaaand proof  
proof makes it legit  
pictures so it did happen  
cookies wins  
again  
cookies deserves to win  
dem cookies  
i think we've had a lot more  #abrupt directional change for cookies  
than anything else  
#abrupt directional change with knives is #body in the sewer  
he #abrupt directional change then he got the knives  
that's what makes this so complicated  
our trend lines need more data  
uh guys  
are you watching this?  
watching what?  
oh  
my  
god  
this 

  

In the quiet that followed, Wade cleared his throat uncomfortably, balance shifting from foot to foot until he suddenly blurted, "She took the cookies. Naaaaaate, make her bring them back."

Nathan gave him an arch look of amusement, "I think four cookies are more than enough for anyone."

"Lies and slander! I could eat at least fifty more! Do you know how many calories it takes to maintain these stunning good looks?"

He swept his gaze from the top of Wade's bare head all the way down to the tips of his toes peaking out of his geta. The toes wriggled at the sudden scrutiny. Nathan smirked, "I think not even a thousand cookies could help you make up the height difference."

"Hey! See if I share any more of my cookies with you!"

"Thank you, Wade." Wade's over the top glare transformed into surprise. Eventually, Nathan vowed, his friend would stop being so surprised by something as simple as thanks. "You were right. Those cookies were in the top ten best things I had ever put in my mouth."

"I knew you'd like 'em," Wade grinned, pleased, as he stepped sideways to bump their shoulders together, "you should trust me more often when I tell you to put things in your mouth," he added innocently, eye ridges wriggling playfully.

Nathan grinned back, lifting his arm and throwing it over Wade's shoulders, "Already back to blow jobs?"

"Me? I never! You're the one who keeps bringing them up!" Wade protested, leaning against Nathan's side, "Take responsibility."

"Take responsibility, huh?" Nathan said with grave thoughtfulness, "I guess I _should_ keep you on a shorter leash. Maybe get you a nice collar."

" _You_ ," Wade poked a finger into Nathan's chest to emphasize his point, voice dropping a register, "are kinkier than you look and you look pretty kinky."

Nathan ran his hand down Wade's back, pausing at the band of Wade's shorts. "With 'Return to Nathan Summers' on it so they know where to send you when they stuff you in a box and FedEx you."

"You're also a dick," Wade complained, fisting his hand in Nathan's shirt and using his grip to pull him down, bringing them nose to nose, so close that Nathan could pick out how wide the frosted pupils had become. "You're lucky you had Domino to protect your useless ass."

"You know you'd miss -- " Nathan slid his hand down the back of Wade's shorts, surprised when he encountered nothing but skin. "Are you ... ?" Nathan started, cupping the pleasing curve of his cheek and giving it a deliberate squeeze.

"What?" Wade huffed, arching up on his toes with the movement of Nathan's hand, breath catching in his throat, "It's not like I'm running around undressed. Unlike _some_ people I could mention, Mr. Showers in -- hnnggghh!"

  

**+Wade Wilson**  
holy shit  
#Nathan Summers is kinky as hell  
#arse bandit  
didn't he notice the windows?  
we are like, RIGHT HERE  
there are like, fifty of us, waiting for those cookies  
THINK OF THE COOKIES  
#scarred for life  
speak for yourself  
that was hot  
#my eyes cannot unsee!  
nate loved those cookies too much  
#moons of providence  
oh my god  
did that just happen  
is that Nina's phone?  
did she film it?  
forget her!  
did WE film it?  
someone upload that baby  
no way  
that is totally #nsfw  
it happened in public!  
i'm not watching that again  
#cover your eyes  
why'd you watch it the first time?  
i couldn't look away  
like a #train wreck  
but!  
omg butts  
#my eyes cannot unsee!  
why god why  
#moons of providence  
#shut the fuck up  
question answered forever #Nathan Summers x Wade Wilson is now #trufax  
learn to spell #truefacts  
please tell me someone has video  
post it on +Married? and close the thread?  
hey!  
don't close the thread!  
yeah, some of us are following that #torrid affair  
these are our illicit thrills, ok?  
living vicariously here!  
damnit, go get laid or something and stop cluttering up our feed with #nsfw   #porn  
have some human decency  
and respect for privacy  
have you met us?  
we stalk these men #stalking  
professionally #professional stalking  
#Wade Wilson has #stalkers  
we're all stalking him #weather vane  
#Providence is filled with #perverts  
who all hang out in the +Wade Wilson status feed  
such vitriol  
you came here from +Nathan Summers didn't you  
DIDN'T YOU  
did not  
don't act all high and mighty +Nathan Summers thread  
you're not more classy than us  
we are the classiest!  
just because you use correct punctuation  
and are boring as hell  
you did not just go there  
#i went there  
#Nathan Summers is kinky as hell proves u wrong  
it proves everything  
#your argument is invalid

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whooo! I don't know why the last 15% of this was so hard to write. I'm still not totally happy with it, but I think folks have waited long enough.
> 
> Meanwhile, I feel the _Alice in Wonderland_ reference is obvious.


	7. #turban guy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The peace of Providence is broken by an unexpected arrival.

~Wade loses time.~

When Wade woke up he didn't remember where he was.

Seagulls wheeled through the perfect marble blue of the sky and the sun was shining and warm on his skin. His skin? Wade touched his chest and felt cotton. A glance at his arms showed they were bare. Wade sat up. He wasn't wearing his suit, just _shorts_ and a t-shirt and his geta -- he waggled his feet and tapped the wooden edges against the metal of the floor -- and only his own ruined skin for the rest of it. He touched his face and felt no mask.

Well.

A glance around showed only metal, a flat surface without a ceiling ... probably because it was a roof. Wade considered those chances to be pretty good. He often ended up on rooftops and in alleys. 

The ledge had his face. A border of his faces, neatly stamped one by one in crayon glory all along the interior edge. Pleased, Wade rolled over and pressed his palm against a face, feeling the smoothness of the metal give way to rough and heavy wax. He traced the red outline. It didn't actually remind him of what he had been doing up here on this strange metal roof, practically naked ... but he must have been here a lot to make so many markers to remind himself it was his.

Wade threw his arm over the edge of the roof, folding it to tuck under his chin as he looked over the edge to find out more. The ocean greeted him, blue and endless. A vast metal ship -- satellite? island! -- stretched around him, silver and gleaming. He was on a roof overlooking the harbor? The boat drawing up to the platform that stretched into the sea like a curl of silver ribbon, certainly implied that it must be. People moved purposefully below his perch. Their voices drifted to him, cheerful and focused.

A child waved at him wildly and Wade waved back.

That's right! These were his seahorses!

... and this was Providence!

... and he was up here because ...

Wade shrugged. He didn't remember. It didn't matter. There was a boat coming in, so he should see what it was bringing in. Seemed like that would be good news to bring to ... 

Wade chewed over the puzzle of who he would want to tell. He didn't think he had a job without his suit.

If it was important, it would come to him. Or Nate would remind him.

Yes! Wade pumped his fist into the air in victory. That was it! He would bring _Nate_ the news!

Pleased, Wade draped himself over the edge of the roof and drifted into a comfortable state of laziness. It was a beautiful day. A peaceful day. Nate was busy doing Nate things and Wade was here to check out the boats and then maybe he'd get lunch and drag Nate out to get some sun before he became as pale as a fish belly. 

It was safe and warm on the roof. People began to climb out of the boat, sometimes alone, sometimes as a family. They were guided to the building he was lounging on top of -- Immigration Checkpoint 1! -- directed there by the locals that lined the route. Seagulls landed, waddling along the false shoreline to pick at an abandoned bag of chips, dropped by the children that had previously been playing there.

To Wade, the world started to blink away, flickering between warm sunlight and equally warm darkness as he relaxed, like his teleporter right before it went on the fritz --

~Wade loses --

Wade sat up abruptly as the seagulls exploded into the air, the noise of their departure as loud as a gunshot. 

Discarded feathers swirled in their wake, the narrow tail of a mushroom cloud of dust and down. 

\-- and Wade remembered why he was on _this_ rooftop, because _right now_ , it was downwind from their tiny single peer harbor and it was good to be downwind when he was _hunting_ \--

Wade sucked in a sharp breath of air, heart pounding. His pupils contracted to pinpoints. His vision narrowed like a scope coming into focus, pinned to the wake of the seagulls.

A feather swirled down, spiraling like a gunship with a single working rotor, until it was slapped aside by the man that was crossing from the boat's gangway onto the deceptively strong shell of Providence. He was unremarkable, just another bearded man wearing a turban.

Yet when Wade leaned forward on the roof, breathing deeply as he fixed the man in his mind --

~he always knows what he needs to know. other times, at their convenience, they need him to forget.~

\-- all he smelled was semtex and mustard gas, clinging to him like poison.

  

**+Weather Vane**  
#Wade Wilson   #location: Immigration Checkpoint 2  
laying on the bench outside, reading a book

**+Wade Wilson**  
pictures or it didn't happen  
does he even know how to read?  
dude, he's not that dumb  
he IS that dumb  
#all of the burns  
#36 languages and counting orders off the menu at Kotaku's, remember?  
are we seriously up to 36 now?  
Jess has now verified Cantonese  
how did she even  
she had her kids insult Deadpool in his hearing #ego assault  
#Children of Providence vs. Deadpool 102-0  
they're completely destroying him for realz  
#36 languages and counting that doesn't mean he can read  
just because we don't SEE him read ...  
we stalk this man #shameless stalking  
we professionally stalk this man #professional stalking  
menus still count as reading  
technicalities  
 _[uploaded picture of Wade Wilson Reading]_  
he's not even looking at that book  
where did he even GET that book?  
there's nothing in his pockets  
#inventory   #crayons   #not even a cell phone  
exactly  
dude, take a picture of what he's looking at  
and take pictures faster than the last time, sheesh  
#y u gotta be so slow  
it's hard to be subtle at this guys  
#weather vane lacks subtlety #Wade Wilson   #providence  
#no one is subtle in providence  
#u mad bro?  
#shut the fuck up  
 _[uploaded picture of Wade Wilson Line of Sight]_  
hey, that guy was in the last #line of sight picture  
which guy?  
#coincidence? I think not  
that guy in the middle with the turban  
#weather vane  
#y u gotta be racist?  
#not racist  
find out who that guy is  
for realz  
#not as good looking as Nathan Summers  
so, totally no reason to spontaneously follow him  
we're always following him  
not us! #Wade Wilson following turban guy  
we're not following him, we're stalking him  
gently  
there is no such thing as gentle stalking  
#gentle stalking there is now  
don't just make tags #stalk me gently is better  
snap!  
oh no she didn't!  
our stalking tags have a theme, don't mock the theme  
#shut the fuck up  
#Wade Wilson doesn't need a reason  
#weather vane   #moons of providence   #100% accurate  
#Wade Wilson   #always a reason   #weather vane  
we just have to figure this out  
this is the reason the status feed exists  
stop abusing the tags  
there is all this tag on the thread  
the fuck is this conversation?  
#summarize turban guy = evil? Y/N  
Y  
Y  
Y  
N #y u gotta be racist?  
Y #weather vane has spoken  
Y  
Y  
Y  
N  
all the Ns, get thee to the #Nathan Summers status feed #pack of traitors  
this is a democracy!  
i have rights!  
#not a democracy  
#Natocracy  
#Cablecracy  
#Saviour has no idea  
#red suited justice  
motherfucking #Justice League  
Y  
Y  
Y  
Y, Ns are being #outvoted  
#SCIENCE BITCHES we need more proof than #weather vane  
yeah! innocent until proven guilty  
not the US either  
we're #Motherfucking Providence   #colony of peace and hippies  
i say again #SCIENCE BITCHES  
need more proof  
this is #Body in the Sewer again  
you know it!  
in your heart!  
abandon denial!  
$Theory Construct: #Wade Wilson followed #turban guy from the BOATS. #turban guy   #not as good looking as Nathan Summers. #turban guy not #luring with candy. #turban guy not #Golden Girls or #Bea Arthur  
y u gotta throw down with $Theory Construct  
big guns  
shit just got real  
uh oh, here comes $Hypothesis  
run for cover!  
not more naked pictures!  
#shut the fuck up  
$Hypothesis: #turban guy = bad guy #turban guy is new variation of #Body in the Sewer  
whoa whoa whoa $Hypothesis is invalid  
there was knives and stabbing with #Body in the Sewer  
and the bomb  
right  
evidence  
and stabbing  
those were my #favorite knives  
they died in a worthy cause  
your argument is invalid #Wade Wilson didn't follow #Body in the Sewer  
guys  
#Wade Wilson just #got shit done  
guys  
none of this #unprofessional stalking with the book  
guys  
W A H T  
#weather vane maybe he did follow him  
it's not like we backtracked his movements  
only checking for #lost clothes back then  
....  
#inception  
#clairvoyance  
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee  
#Prophets of Delphi  
trojan horse!  
beware the greeks!  
#weather vane  
#weather vane  
#weather vane  
#100% accurate  
#shut the fuck up  
$Testing: #stalking   #Wade Wilson while #Wade Wilson   #stalking   #turban guy if #turban guy = evil, then the #inventory   #katanas will come out #red suited justice  
$Forwarding: #Body in the Sewer   #Wade Wilson Admin   #Review   #Hindsight is 20/20 Question is was #Wade Wilson following #Body in the Sewer?  
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee  
what are we gonna do?  
#Nate Must Never Know  
#Vow of Silence  
he's gonna find out  
he found #Body in the Sewer  
he didn't find that  
he found a maintenance log, it's not the same  
then he got distracted by #moons of providence  
are we hiding this from the +Nathan Summers status feed?  
the fuck we are!  
they'll let it slip to #turban guy unless they're in the know  
#Body in the Sewer   #Sacred Trust   #Providence  
we don't have the motherfucking secret service or the motherfucking FBI or the motherfucking CIA or the motherfucking army!  
we have #Deadpool!!!!  
#THIS IS PROVIDENCE  
kick him into the hole!  
#shut the fuck up  
people can we focus  
we've lost the plot  
#summarize we can't let #turban guy on the general status feeds +Weather Vane status feed ONLY  
yeah  
then he'd find out  
about #weather vane  
and that we're suspicious  
are we suspicious?  
we are super suspicious #weather vane  
if he's on #weather vane he'll learn about #weather vane  
#moons of providence will blind him  
#moons of providence blinds ME  
we should rename the +Weather Vane status feed +Moons of Providence and rename this feed +Weather Vane  
that's just unnecessary confusion  
suggestion denied  
no more renaming!!!!!  
no more exclamation points!!!!!  
#shut the fuck up  
I forwarded our everything to #Justice League Admin  
when did you do that?  
i don't see a forwarding marker  
Some of us don't clutter up the feed with a rain of tags.  
Some of us just lean over and talk to other people like, yanno, REAL PEOPLE.  
#all of the burns  
#be gentle with us  
Just ... ease off the #panic button.  
#panic button was #legit feels  
 **//:://Announcement:** #Justice League Admin found face match in Interpol Database for known terrorist. #turban guy now renamed to #Haji Bin Barat and will replace all previous tags. **//:://**  
 **//:://Announcement:** #Justice League Admin limited User #Haji Bin Barat to +General status feed. #Haji Bin Barat will have limited access to tags associated with +General. **//:://**  
 **//:://Announcement:** #Justice League Admin created +Haji Bin Barat status feed. Cross referencing status feed with tags #Trojan Horse, #Greeks Bearing Gifts, and +Body in the Sewer until proven otherwise. Requesting public users to update +Haji Bin Barat status feed with #realtime updates. Thank you +Wade Wilson status feed for drawing this to our attention. **//:://**  
 **//:://Announcement:** #Justice League Admin requests all public users obey #Vow of Silence and #Sacred Trust with #Haji Bin Barat in regards to #weather vane, #moons of providence, #Wade Wilson, and #Providence Public Works. In the interest of public safety do NOT leave #Haji Bin Barat alone with #Children of Providence. Exercise #common sense. **//:://**  
that was fast  
efficient #Justice League is efficient

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The convo in this chapter was the first one that got written. So we can basically blame it for everything. :D
> 
> There will also be one more short chapter to follow this one before the one shots!


	8. #Vow of Silence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nate still thinks Providence is a utopia, Wade knows there's no such thing, and the citizens of Providence are hiding the bodies.

**[Arjun]** meeting with  #Haji Bin Barat canceled  
**[Margaret]** ok  
**[Margaret]** why am I canceling it?  
**[Arjun]** canceled without explanation  
**[Margaret]** done

  

Arjun Patel, Providence's only coroner, closed and deleted his private message session with the immigration secretary.

Haji Bin Barat was slumped peacefully in death, his head hanging at an unnatural angle. Even from the door, there was no mistake. From the smell, it had probably happened sometime in the night, long before the maids were scheduled to arrive. Anna, who managed this wing, had only peeked inside the door before immediately contacting +Justice League.

Arjun texted +Justice League an update, verifying that a death had occurred, and requested a clean-up crew. He slipped his phone back into his jacket pocket and pulled out a set of gloves.

It was time to get to work.

  

**+Justice League**  
#Haji Bin Barat left the island  
left or LEFT?  
#Body in the Sewer  
well damn  
was there a bomb?  
no  
but something IS up  
and it's not anyone's dick  
really? you went there?  
i'll be here all night!  
you jackass  
we've got everything in his room  
his Providence issued phone  
his computer  
his real phone  
the phone hidden in the toilet tank  
in the vents  
in the laundry chute  
under the floor plating  
that's ... thorough  
yeesh  
not as thorough as our cleaning staff  
#Maids of Providence   #FTW  
man, that's a lot of phones  
pretty suspicious  
do we know why #Deadpool   #Body in the Sewered him?  
not yet  
still sifting through all those phones  
and the computer encryption  
instead we have theories  
each more ridiculous than the last  
speak for your own theory  
mine is awesome!  
i'm almost afraid to ask  
but you're going to ask me anyway?  
yes  
tell me your theory  
my theory!  
the CIA was closing in on #Haji Bin Barat  
so he came here to slip their net  
#Nathan Summers defends #Deadpool  
because #Deadpool has "reformed"  
if #Nathan Summers defends a crazy assassin  
then surely he'll defend an "unjustly" accused terrorist who claims to be reformed  
and protect him from the consequences of his actions  
/ end theory!  
that's a scarily plausible theory  
i know right? i'm a genius  
it's a stupid theory  
like your theory is better  
my theory is perfect  
here to steal our stuff and sell us out to our enemies is always a better theory because #money is always the answer  
everyone already thinks we have a secret weapon here  
so it's not a surprise that someone would want to come and take it  
/ and end theory  
joke's on him then  
our only weapon is #Deadpool  
and it is #super effective  
oh wait, I got a good one!  
let's hear it  
#Haji Bin Barat is a terrorist, right? so someone wanted revenge and either went after him themselves or took out a hit on him  
then he fled here because #Nathan Summers is too good for this world  
and lets any old riffraff in here  
except snap! #Deadpool is also here and he took that hit because #money is always the answer when you're #Deadpool  
....  
oops  
/ end theory  
y u gotta be thief?  
and steal both of our theories?  
and make them worse?  
i made them BETTER  
the only thing better about that was: #Nathan Summers is too good for this world  
that isn't better, it's a fact  
#Nathan Summers IS too good for this world  
which is why we're here  
to handle people like #Haji Bin Barat  
well, it's why #Deadpool is here  
we just make sure his crazy plans work  
he disposed of nine bodies without our help  
and then he decided we should start being involved  
i think #Body in the Sewer forced his hand  
why are there so many murderers around here?  
because the island is too valuable  
everyone wants it  
and #Nathan Summers is crazy and likes to piss everyone off  
that's one of his endearing qualities  
it's STILL crazy  
but cute  
their crazy is why they're made for each other  
omg  
this is not a stalking thread  
fine  
be that way  
#status update Ruth finished the clean prep on RM304  
it's move in ready again  
what about #Haji Bin Barat?  
scheduled for cremation and scattering at sea  
efficient  
what's our cover story?  
he left the island  
already have him logged on the manifest with the last boat to leave  
with no reason given, but we don't require a reason to leave the island  
and nobody knows nothing  
and nobody says nothing unless we're asked  
and then we pretend we know nothing  
#Vow of Silence  
that's what we're posting on the Announcement thread  
speaking of  
**//:://Announcement:** #Haji Bin Barat has left the island this morning on the _Dawn Treader_.  #realtime updates will no longer be required for #Haji Bin Barat. **//:://**  
**//:://Announcement:** #Haji Bin Barat status thread under review for deletion. Maintain #Vow of Silence and #Sacred Trust until review is completed. **//:://**  
timely  
and subtle  
+Wade Wilson doesn't understand #subtlety  
they understand it enough  
they understand that when in doubt? throw #Wade Wilson at #Nathan Summers to distract him  
a textbook maneuver  
a flanking maneuver!  
it works every time  
and on both of them

  

Nathan Summers poked his head out of his office and found that Irene wasn't at her desk. The waiting area outside of Irene's antechamber was also empty. Had everyone gone to lunch? He knocked on Margaret's office door and was relieved when she called for him to enter. "Didn't I have another meeting right now?"

"Hold on a moment, let me check," Margaret, the unofficially official immigration secretary, set her papers aside and checked her computer, "Oh. It looks like Haji Bin Barat canceled."

Nathan blinked, "A reschedule?"

Margaret's mouse clicked away before she shook her head, "No. It was just a cancellation."

"Did he say why?"

"I'm sorry, he didn't," Margaret said apologetically, "should I get in contact with him?"

It was Nathan's turn to shake his head, "No. I'm sure he'll call again if he changes his mind."

"Of course, sir," Margaret nodded agreeably, returning to her papers.

"You _can_ call me Nathan."

"Of course, Mr. Summers," Margaret smirked when he sighed, before adding, "Your lunch hour is clear now. Should I move someone up from the waiting list?" The look she gave him was clear: she would be incredibly cross if he said 'yes'.

Nathan replied just as he was expected to reply, amused, "No, that's alright. I'll see if Wade wants to go out for lunch."

"That sounds like a wonderful idea," Margaret smiled. Her phone buzzed and she picked it up to check the screen, "The Rentina Cantina says he just got in line. They've usually have a fifteen minute wait. You could catch up with him just in time to order."

Nathan rolled his eyes. Wade had been at the Rentina three times that week alone. "I'll save them from him."

"Well, if anyone could convince him not to order twenty enchiladas at once, it's you, sir."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some obvious reference bingo: The Dawn Treader name comes straight from _The Voyage of the Dawn Treader_ by C. S. Lewis. The Justice League is from DC Comics.
> 
> NPC Margaret makes her third fictional appearance and still suffers from no last name syndrome.

**Author's Note:**

> **Reading Notes:**
> 
> The names of posters have been removed to protect the innocent. ^.~
> 
> \+ indicates permanent message threads  
> ** is a status pin and always remains at the top of any thread it is pinned on  
> # is a tag link that will lead to all instances of the tag  
> [] is a notification of picture or video upload
> 
> Some tags are also permanent message threads and redirect to the designated forum. For example, the #Wade Wilson tag will always redirect to the **+Wade Wilson** message thread.


End file.
